Unmanlike

We watched Singin' in the Rain together recently, and the kids loved it. Aaron in particular has re-enacted the "Make 'Em Laugh" scene a hundred times. He clearly loves the slapstick vaudeville dancing as much as the singing. He has always loved to dance; for example, he got up on stage to imitate the hula dancers in Hawaii, and danced the night away at our 70s birthday party. So I asked him about it.

Me: This year you are going to learn a lot of music, with both piano and choir.

Aaron: I am already a very good singer.

Me: You are. You have a good voice and you have a good ear. so that when you hear a song, you can sing it back very well. 

Aaron: Yep.

Me: I am wondering about another thing, because you also love to dance, right?

Aaron: I do! [Does a little dance right on the spot.]

Me: Not right away, but someday, do you think you would want to take some dance lessons, too? Along with the music?

Aaron: Well no I don't think so. Because I think that would be unmanlike. 

Me: Oh, but there are lots of dancers who are men who are fantastic. 

Aaron: Like Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor!

Me: Absolutely. And lots of other men. If you ever wanted to do dance lessons, we would make sure that you got lessons that are good for boys.

This has got me thinking about several things, including how strongly gendered dancing is. I think this is a shame, I wish it wasn't the case, and will do what I can to undermine the stereotype by offering examples of awesome dancing men. But Aaron is right: In our society dancing is mostly for girls. 

Another thing I notice is that Aaron feels very strongly about participating in activities that match his gender identity, which is way, way over on the boy side of the gender spectrum and always has been. (So is Jordan's.) This is a little trickier. As a woman in physics (among other things), I want to especially encourage people to engage in rewarding activities regardless of those activities' gender baggage. However, at Aaron's age, I am concerned that if I try to get him to pursue activities that he knows to be girly, he might misunderstand me as disrespecting his gender identification. Acceptance isn't less important for those whose birth gender, bodies, and personal identity all match. He's not saying he wishes he could do dance lessons but can't because he's a boy; he's telling me he doesn't want to do dance lessons because that would not match his gender identity. I realize this is a pretty fine line. For now I'm just keeping my eye on it.

Yet another thing, in which the philosophical meets the pragmatic, is how we recognize and nurture our kids' unique talents and desires. Of course, I want to do so. However, I do not believe that any kid has One True Talent and if we fail to cultivate it we're letting him down. At least not usually. I think that a normal kid has a bunch of little baby possible talents, and when one of those aligns with some high-quality education, it blossoms. I think that we parents should not feel guilty about choosing to pursue certain of our kids' talents for practical reasons -- because there's a good teacher of that thing nearby, or you already own that instrument, or your kid has friends who are doing that thing. I plan to be satisfied with making some pretty good matches between talent and training, ones that are satisfying for the kid and sane for the family. Thus, Aaron starts in choir and piano, because our family has a good thing going with both of those already. We will see if this turns him on the way it has turned Jordan on, and I will keep the dancing in mind.

Later we had this other conversation, about a Disney movie we are watching:

Aaron: In Tarzan is there a real actor who does those great tricks and moves?

Me: No. Those moves are only in the drawings. The actor who does Tarzan's voice stands still while he says the words.

Aaron: Oh.

Me: But I did hear an interview once with the guy who did the drawings for the Tarzan movie [Disney master animator Glen Keane], and he said who he was copying who does those kinds of moves in real life. Would you like to know?

Aaron: Yes!
Me: Surfers and skateboarders. Surfers go sliding on waves like Tarzan slides around on the trees, and skateboarders go flying in the air when they do their tricks. 

Aaron: Oh yeah like when they fly up high and grab their board and maybe even go upside down! [He started leaping around to illustrate.]

This got me thinking about other disciplines that use the body for artistry and entertainment, like gymnastics. That's not convenient for us either, to be honest, and it's also fairly girly -- probably not as girly as dancing, but not as masculine as skateboarding, for sure. There is a skate park right near our house...

Camp Kalsman

Jordan is at sleepaway camp for the first time -- very exciting! Camp Kalsman is about an hour north of Seattle and the dropoff today was fantastic. When we pulled into the parking lot who should be directing traffic but our beloved Robert, the boys' babysitter for about a year when they were three and six! He recognized us right away and was thrilled to learn that Jordan would be in his cabin. Total score. We saw bunches of people we knew, but even the strangers felt like friends we hadn't met yet because everyone was just so incredibly happy and attentive.

Checking in 200 kids to sleepaway camp is complicated but Camp Kalsman really has it down. First, in the parking lot, counselors quickly tag the kids' bags and throw them in a big truck for delivery to their cabins. Next you head over to a team of counselors who sing a silly song and ask a bunch of questions about whether you have been sick recently. Then you are admitted to the central building, where you work your way around a series of tables each with its own purpose: sign the anti-bullying pledge, drop off care packages, iron out any medication arrangements, get checked for lice, get your picture taken, choose your electives. It was all very well-run and friendly. Here is the lice check -- note the counselor enthusiasm.

We dropped Adam off first. Kalsman is only about five years old so the facilities are quite nice. Adam settled right in.

His cabin has a helpful checklist on the door.

Jordan is not the slightest bit nervous about camp, as far as we know. He loves new experiences, he is socially extremely adaptable, his best friends Ian and Moses are both there, and he makes new friends easily. As soon as we got to his cabin he busted out his new Magic: The Gathering cards and got down to business. Here he is with Moses and Ben, a kid he knew already, I don't know from where. He knows people everywhere he goes.

He was politely willing to work with me on making his bed. Then he was clearly done with me, not in a rude way, just a fact. He waved goodbye pleasantly and socked in with his friends. That's how it's supposed to be, right?

Here is the view out his back door. The camp also has a lake for boating and a pool for swimming; I haven't seen those.

After the dropoff, a bunch of parents went out to lunch and laughed about our irrational fears about our children. Most of the other parents I was with tend to worry that their kid won't get something they need socially - that they won't participate in enough things, or won't get the alone time they need, or won't make new friends, or whatever. I was grateful that they shared their worries so that I could enjoy not having them. I worry more about Jordan losing things, or not having a warm enough jacket, or pretending he put on sunscreen when he didn't and getting burned to a crisp, or possibly wandering overconfidently off into the woods with a few friends and breaking an ankle or getting eaten by a bear. But Jordan is actually very together about not losing the important things (like his glasses), and the other things are just part of the glory of being at camp. Right? Right. He is going to have a great week.

Jordan's birthday

Jordan's birthday party was just as simple as Aaron's and just as fun. It was a scorching hot day and all anyone wanted to do was have a waterfight.

Aaron was a frequent target, which he mostly enjoyed. 

They did this for an hour, until we judged them to be perhaps a little baked. We invited them to a table in the shade for the party's only prepared activity: decorating your own monster cupcakes with googly eyes and other weird candy features. (I had prepared a dozen cupcakes with monster-hair frosting.)

Each kid posed for a photo with his creation. Several confessed that it was really about how much candy you could pile on your monster.

Sam

Nat

Moses

Colin (who has allergies and brings his own cake)

Ian

Keegan

Aaron

After that, more waterfight. Everyone went home seeming very satisfied.

Aaron's birthday

Dale and I were a bit intimidated by Aaron's birthday party this year. We didn't have a bouncy house or even much of a plan, just a Lego cake and a game or two, and as the kids get older, they can get a little canny. We have seen some birthday party mayhem at others' houses. But this party was perfectly lovely. Best buddies Finn and Emanuel had to celebrate separately with Aaron, but Adam, Holden, Tony, Mason, and Hondo were in fine form. (Ian stayed to play with Jordan.) There was volleyball. 

There was one organized activity, a Lego spoon relay race, which was a great time.

And there was lego cake. I have made Lego cake before, but that time I made giant legos, and this time I made them cupcake-sized.

Everyone gobbled them up.

 And for the afterparty there was Lego building bliss. Couldn't really ask for more.

The backstory on the lego cakes is not too complicated, although frosting each one on all four sides and then moving it to a display plate is not easy to do perfectly. I settled for imperfection. The frosting colors, wowie zowie, look at what gels can do.

The individual pieces were cut from a large rectangular cake. I laid out marshmallows to decide how to cut the pieces. Mini marshmallows for regular legos, large ones (cut in half) for Duplos.

Happy birthday to our big seven-year-old!

Lightsaber

The other extraordinary thing that Jordan did in the second week of Jedi Academy was to build his own lightsaber. Is this the coolest camp you have ever heard of in your life, or what? Jordan's is an amazing piece of work. Only the light tube is prefabricated; he built the handle, the switch, and the circuitry inside it from scratch, right down to soldering the electrical connections. They used saws, a soldering iron, a heat gun, and various other serious equipment. He is extremely proud.

He uses it to give lightsaber lessons to Aaron. One of them has to use a pool noodle instead of the real thing. (They had decided to dress identically that day.)

Of course, because Jordan built the lightsaber himself, he knows exactly how it all goes together. Aaron wanted to know too so Jordan sat down to explain it to him.

Here is a closeup of his diagram:

Overall we think this was a heck of a way to spend two weeks of summer!

Jedi Academy

We signed the kids up for summer camp at the Evergreen School this year, which is new territory for us. Both kids are enjoying themselves very much, but Jordan especially hit the jackpot: He spent two weeks in Jedi Academy. This camp, for 10-13 year olds, builds all the physical and mental skills that a Jedi needs, including running and conditioning, meditation and yoga, beginning fencing, lightsaber technique, and hand-body-eye coordination training. 

Here is Jordan demonstrating his cool fencing gear and proper form. Fencing was not at all what he expected: first of all, there is an overwhelming quantity of rules, and second of all, it is not swordfighting so much as poking. But he loved it, loved the gear even though it was hot, loved the footwork even though it was confusing, and worked hard enough to have a sore right shoulder most days.

Lightsaber fighting is a whole different thing because you attack with the side of the blade. They learned a variety of "lightsaber forms," which are defined patterns of attack and defense moves. The lightsabers they use in this course are beautiful, really works of art, and surprisingly whackable.

Here is Jordan warming up with Ethan, a friend of his from boychoir who happened to be in the same camp.

The grownup in the supercool black body armor is Shayé, their instructor. Shayé is also a teacher at the Evergreen School during the school year, teaching science, math, and fine arts, as well as fencing. He has Jordan's complete respect.

And a good thing too, because Shayé made them do all kinds of crazy stuff in the conditioning sessions, like plank pose and pushups on the wood chips. If they complained that it hurt their hands, he told them to meditate while doing it. He taught them to pay attention to the sensations in their hands and spread the sensation gradually through their arms, shoulders, body, legs, toes, and so on to dissipate it. Jordan has since used his Jedi mind-calming techniques on his own, and taught them to Aaron.

The second week, they did two additional extraordinary things. One is that they choreographed a lightsaber fight scene from one of the Star Wars movies. Parents were invited to the dramatic performances on the last day. Here is Jordan with his new buddy and scene partner, Orion.

The performances were each just a couple minutes long. Each one started with a bit of dialogue, erupted into a lightsaber fight, and ended when one of the characters was killed. Most of the choreography went into planning the fight, which includes not only lightsaber techniques but also moves like "force push," "force choke," "force lightning," and so on. You may remember Darth Vader using "force choke" regularly on his commanders, and the Emperor using "force lightning" on Luke. Here is Jordan and Orion's scene for your enjoyment.

The other extraordinary thing has to go in a second post.