Madrich

Jordan is a madrich (instructional assistant) in religious school this year. It is his first job of this kind. He is one of about 135 madrichim at our synagogue, in grades 8-12 (serving about 450 students K-7). Many of them help in the classrooms, but they are also song leaders, photographers, librarians, art room organizers, you name it. It's an awesome program.

Jordan is a madrich in a kindergarten class... in the same classroom where he was a preschooler the year we moved here. (My heart!) He reports that the kindergarteners are very cute, that most of them do not say R's or L's properly, and that some of them act very authoritative or bossy, but are not very good at it. Jordan wants to say, "Dude, you're six years old." But he doesn't, because it is his job to be friendly and helpful to them. He didn't even react when the hot glue gun blurped melted glue all over his thumb, because he felt he needed to appear calm and disciplined in front of the students. This was very difficult: his hand was in extreme pain and all he wanted to do was run out of the room and plunge his hand into ice water, but instead he explained patiently to the children something like, "if you don't use a hot glue gun properly, you can get an owie. See, like this right here? It really hurts." A teacher's life, I tell you what.

One of the young ladies, whose name seems to be Poppy, has taken a special shine to Jordan. She spotted him at a park when she was in her family car and babbled to him out the window, saying, "I'm kind of obthethed with you!" Too funny. Jordan claims he hardly does anything to merit this obsession, just listens to her as she chatters happily away. But that clearly counts for a lot.

Torn paper

In art class yesterday, Aaron's task was to create a Yom Kippur-related piece using paper that is torn, not cut. So here is G-d striking down an evil man. Aaron says, "He's been evil for a long time; see how he's old?"

Therefore repent, all you evil old people - and younger ones, there's still time to clean up your act. Teshuvah, tefilah, and tzedakah can avert the severity of the decree!

Astronomy

Eighth graders at Jordan's school do a year-long project on a subject of their choice, and Jordan's choice is astronomy. He recently had to write a proposal, and he will eventually be conducting research, shadowing or interviewing professional astronomers, creating something astronomy-related...not sure what exactly. All of this is still in the formative stages. While he is musing, I thought of a bunch of astronomy questions that I thought might be accessible and interesting to a middle schooler, which are also interesting to me. Some of these I mostly know the answers to (though there would always be more to learn), and some of them are genuine questions of mine, as in, if I were doing a project on astronomy these are questions I myself would want to answer.

1. Are there planets outside our solar system? How can we tell? Can we see them in telescopes?
2. What kinds of things are out there in space? Stars, planets, and what else? How can we tell the different things apart?
3. Where are the big telescopes? Why are they in those places? Are there any problems or conflicts about the big telescopes?
4. Can you do astronomy in Seattle, where it is cloudy much of the time? What can and can't you do?
5. What is the life of an astronomer like? Do you have to stay up all night? Do you have to  live in a certain place?
6. Historically/globally, which people did astronomy, within a given culture? Did you have to be rich? Male? A priest? 
7. How about now, in the US - what kinds of people do astronomy? What are the problems with racism, sexism, etc. in astronomy?
8. Why did people do astronomy historically - what were they trying to accomplish? 
9. How about now, in the US - what are astronomers trying to accomplish? Are they trying to make the world a better place or help people in some way? Are they trying to get rich? Benefit their countries?
10. Spaceships and telescopes must cost a lot. Who pays for them? Why? Do they hope to get anything back for it? Where does the money come from? Who does it benefit?
11. I heard that astronomers just crashed the spaceship Cassini on purpose. Why? What was Cassini doing?
12. What spaceships are out there in space now? What is their purpose? Are they working? Will we crash them too?
13. Someone told me you can tell time by the Big Dipper. How do you do that?

I am not planning to pursue these questions... I have enough projects! But it was fun to think of them. I shared them with Jordan but I don't think he adopted them.

In closing, here is Cassini's last portrait of Saturn.

Ankle screws

Dale had surgery yesterday to remove the screws from his ankle. It would have been an office procedure with just local anesthesia (I was even invited to watch), but unfortunately the screws had broken, and the procedure had to be done in the operating room. The broken screws were not too bad; it didn't hurt (Dale didn't even know it had happened) and his doctor was unconcerned. This kind of screw only tends to last 6-9 months and in Dale's case it had been 7 months. However, it's still a disappointment. Nobody wants to go to the OR if they don't have to. 

Fortunately it all went very smoothly. The operation was on time, which was amazing to me, I was prepared for them to be anywhere from 2 to 6 hours late. (Last time they were 6 hours late.) The surgery itself was as it should be: four small incisions, two where they used a screwdriver to remove the piece of the bolt and two where they used something like an "easy-out" tool because it was the broken end of the bolt. We have learned that Dale needs extra time to recover from general anesthesia; he is dizzy and pukey when he wakes up, and no amount of fancy antinausea drugs seems to counter this; he just needs time. Now he's home and reasonably comfortable. He had to wear a boot at first, but only for a day while he had a bulky bandage on. Now he can switch to a more ordinary bandage and a regular shoe. He doesn't need crutches, and his pain is minimal. He took a post-surgery day off work to rest and then expects to be back to business. He is overjoyed not to be screwed any longer.

Even though everything was basically ideal, it's still a tiring day, being in the hospital. You can't have a loved one under general anesthesia and not be at least a little bit concerned about the outcome. Even just being surrounded by other people having surgery is kind of exhausting; so much illness and trauma and disability, waiting to be repaired. But thankfully we're fine. They gave us the screws to take home.

Identities

Part of Jordan’s school paperwork for eighth grade referred to the idea that many kids at this age try out “different identities.” 

Jordan: I don’t know what that means, “different identities.”
Me: That’s a thing where kids decide that they are a different kind of person than they used to be, sometimes all of a sudden. Maybe a kid who used to be all about sports suddenly changes his mind so that now he really just wants to read all the time. Maybe someone who didn’t used to do their homework decides that now they want to be a total homework-doer. Maybe someone who had been wearing colorful clothes decides to wear all black. That was me by the way – when I was in middle school, or I forget what age actually, I wore all black all the time. My mother used to ask me if I was going to a funeral. But I really just liked black.
Jordan: Only black?
Me: I remember that really every single piece of clothing I wore was black, every day. I don’t know why. When I describe it it sounds kind of extreme. But it was just what I liked right then. I guess I was kind of a goth. Then later I changed to being a hippie and wore rainbow tie-dye and grew my hair long. So that was a change of identity. Another time I had very light blonde hair that was short and spiky.
Aaron: Do you have any pictures of that?
[I don’t have many pictures of myself as a teenager, except for things like the junior prom. But I did find this picture of myself camping with my parents.]



Both kids: That is YOU??
Me: How can you even need to ask that? I look exactly the same as I do now.
Them: No you do not.

Oh well.

Bar mitzvah: Thank yous

[Shared by Rachel at the party.]

Our experience this weekend is an incredible demonstration to me of how life’s big events happen in community. There are so many people we want to thank.

For all of you who were at the service yesterday: Your kindness and support for Jordan were palpable. We are grateful to you all for putting your heart into an extra song or two so that he had time to recover. Gabe, thank you for your calm guidance. And Ian, you were gracious and flexible and funny; Jordan could not have asked for a better partner yesterday. Thank you.

Thank you to our wonderful extended families for coming together today. Some of you all were meeting for the first time this weekend and I think everybody just loves everybody, am I right?? Thank you to my brother Michael for jumping in with both feet, to my aunt Linda and uncle Fred for coming the farthest (they’re from Maine), and to my aunts Jes and Deena and my godfather Alan for standing in for my parents on the bimah. It means a lot to me. Thank you to Dale’s sister Kari for making hundreds of cookies for the lunch yesterday, to Danny and Alan for the honor of the Aliyah, and again to Danny for lifting the Torah.

A special thank-you-for-coming to Selena Mitchell, who was my best friend when I was thirteen (she left last night). And we are grateful that our other oldest friends Rebekah and Bob are here with their family, especially since it’s Rebekah’s birthday today.

Thank you to Davey Friedman, Jordan’s tutor, an alum of both SJCS and the Northwest Boychoir, and a perfect match for Jordan. Rock-solid preparation sustained Jordan through yesterday and that’s what you gave him.

Thank you to Jordan’s teachers – at SJCS, at Billings, and at Beth Am – for guiding and inspiring him. Some of you have helped him write, or sing, or analyze, or sympathize; some of you have taught him our historical context, both secular and Jewish, and encouraged him to see himself as an emerging adult who can and must act in the world. Thank you.

Thank you Jess and Jules, for your friendship, and also for being the most fun, organized, gently persistent partners a bar mitzvah family could ask for. Several years ago, you asked us how the bar mitzvah partner system worked at Beth Am, and when we said you have the option to choose your partner you said “That’s great! We choose you!” We are so glad you did.

Thanks to everyone who is helping make this party great today – especially Wendy for leading the dancing, the band for raising all our spirits, and Sabina who is taking photos.

And thank you to all of you who are Jordan’s local community in everyday life. You have carpooled him, chaperoned his field trips, and brought him on vacation with you; you have opened your home to him, fed him, and helped him to have a life full of beloved friends. You all are an incredible community that Dale and I personally cherish and depend on. Thanks to you Jordan knows that we are not in this life alone; we work together, we help each other when we need it, and best of all we celebrate together. THANK YOU!

Bar mitzvah: Toast

[Shared by Dale at the party.]

Jordan –

As you can see, I have not memorized this. We asked you to memorize blessing after blessing after blessing, to learn pages of Hebrew--with the trope, to stand in front of a room of family and friends and congregants and interpret a perplexing and troubling Torah passage. You did all this. I did not memorize a page of English. Which goes to show you. Nothing—nothing—in life is fair, my son. Truth. But you can earn admiration and respect. You certainly did these last couple days. Nice work J. I’m so proud of you.

You may be thinking that now that you’re taller than your mother, it’s time for your parents to learn a few things from you. Fair enough. But I will confess our well-kept secret. Your parents have always learned things from you. Maybe it’s part of why parents have kids—we could use some help figuring things out.

So, what have you shown us?

You have shown us what stalwart determination looks like. You can chip away at a Herculean task with such resolve. After this past week of fever and coughing, of turning white on the bimah, you still did it! And so beautifully. Unbelievable. You’d be the one to march into the Reed Sea, unless you were asked to put on sunscreen first.

You have shown us what caring for your family and friends looks like. Give Jordan five minutes of free time and he will seek someone out—often his brother. You care ten times more about who you are with than where you are.

You have shown us how much laughing can set the world right. If you need a lift, watch a Marx Brothers movie with Jordan. At the Women’s March this year, we admired a poster that read: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” You’re a shield from despair. Your laughter keeps us hopeful and joyful.

And you have shown us in your music what amazing things a community can do. Your choir works hard, critiques each other, and practices so much. You are so committed to your songs and to each other, and you create something really amazing that is bigger than all of its parts.

Yesterday, preparing for services, I was stuffing kleenexes in one pocket of my jacket and the text of our parental blessing in the other. And it reminded me of an old bit of Jewish lore. Rumor has it, Rabbi Simcha Bunem—a Hasidic rabbi who lived in Poland in the mid-eighteenth century—carried a piece of paper in each of his two pockets. One said, “For my sake, the world was created.” And the other said, “I am but dust and ashes.”

What ordinary stuff we are made of. Billions year old dirt. And in this sea of time, this time—now—is your time. It has been created for you by people you know and people you don’t know. By the things that are happening now and the things that happened eons ago. The party was certainly created for you. Your parents and Ian's parents paid for it, but it's for you.

Here’s to Jordan’s now and future. Here it is. Share yourself. Make sure you don’t hide yourself too much behind your bangs. Because you really are a joy to be with Jordan. We all have so much love and admiration for you, and it’s such a pleasure to have you as our son.