Food struggle

Knowing that parents (especially mothers) since time immemorial have worried about what their kid eats does not make the issue less fraught for me.  I'm afraid that Jordan, left to himself, would eat only waffles, pasta, pizza, hot dogs, fried things, and sweets.  The popular advice from experts is that a parent's job is to offer kids a selection of healthy foods, including at least one food that is both healthy and popular, and above all not make it a power struggle.  I used to pride myself on this.  But these days, Jordan eats a waffle for breakfast and asks for another one, ignoring the fresh, ripe, farmer's-market pears on his plate.  At dinner, same deal - if there's pasta or bread, that's all he eats, asking for refills until dinner is over and ignoring all meat and vegetables.  I can make the carbs whole grain; that's all our kids know, and they don't mind that.  But we find ourselves dragged into bargaining over the rest... three bites of green beans before you get more pasta, dessert is only for people who eat a good dinner, etc.  Soon the entire mealtime conversation devolves into bitter complaining on one side or the other, and the pears become a symbol of the self-determination that is so important to six-year-olds.  Not good.

For lunch, Jordan often eats literally three or four bites (we know because he re-packs the rest), then probably fills up on Goldfish or whatever trashy snack his after-school program provides.  When I get him at 5pm he is sometimes very sensitive, crying and fighting at the least thing, surely because his blood sugar is rock bottom?

Jordan not eating what I think he needs to eat makes me so angry and sad so fast, I sometimes have to leave the room.  My anxiety can't be helpful but it overwhelms me.  Trying to identify my own problem (instead of projecting onto him what I think his problem is), I get pretty classic stuff... my love and care (expressed in carefully chosen, lovingly prepared food) is being rejected, and I feel helpless in the face of his independent choice to do something that I think is not good for him.  Seems like this is an excellent preview for the teen years. Perhaps I am being given the gift of an opportunity to develop my parenting skills and strategies, in a relatively low-stakes context.

So here's my plan for something different:  I'll collect data.  Quietly and without fuss, I'll write down what Jordan eats each day.  Who knows, maybe I'm misperceiving his nutritional intake, and in any case it'll help me feel like I'm taking some action.  Then in two weeks, if I think the data shows that my concern is warranted, I'll consult Jordan's doctor (who is very cool).  If the doctor also thinks there is cause for concern (which I admit is unlikely... pediatricians are rarely concerned about kids' eating if the kid is healthy), then I'll have him advise me.  If the doctor wants to see Jordan, I'll  leave them alone for an independent conversation.  If the doctor tells me to lay off, I will.

When I explained my plan to Jordan he didn't like it.  "I don't want there to be three problems on me," he said.  When we asked what he meant, he said, "The patch, the thumb, and now the food."  Eep.  I hadn't thought of it that way, but he's right, we have three Jordan-improvement projects going at once, three things that he semi-resents but has to do anyway.  Maybe three is too many, especially in addition to his other responsibilities like math and spelling and learning to read and not losing his hat and gloves every day.  But it's hard to imagine letting any one of them go.