Book club books

Jordan's classmate's mom has initiated a "moms and boys book club," which sounds like a pretty good time. The idea is that moms and boys pick a book to all read, and we get together around once a month to discuss it and hang out. (As with most book clubs, there is a small amount of discussing the book and a large amount of socializing.) The hosting mom did this with her older son's cohort and loved it; it lasted for years. 

The first meeting of the book club was this weekend. Various boys brought books that they wanted to read, and voted on their choice. I had not heard of most of the books, but one of them was Ender's Game. Really? For fourth grade? I first read that book in grad school. I think it is at least middle school, and that it's too good a book to waste on younger kids. That whole thing where it's not clear whether it's a simulation battle or the real thing would either totally freak Jordan out or go straight over his head, hopefully the latter. And I don't remember how violent it is...? Even aside from the content, there is no way this book is at his reading level. Now, the hosting family has a middle school kid, so their fourth grader is probably reading his books, and I'm not going to judge that. Aaron gets stuff that we would not have offered Jordan at that age. But still... I was a little disoriented when it got voted in.

Fortunately there are terrific resources for parents to vet kids' media choices. My favorite is Common Sense Media, which reviews not only books but also movies, video games, apps, you name it. And thank goodness, because the boys' first-choice book was one I hadn't heard of called Maze Runner, and I was able to quickly look it up. Here's part of the review:  

"Parents need to know that the scenes of violence are stronger in this book and more graphic than those of, say, The Hunger Games, partly because at times it is adults murdering children, and not from a distance or out of sight. The teens stranded in the Maze have their memories wiped, but they are still aware on some level that they are being held captive and endangered by adults, not monsters or other children. Some of the teens in the Maze go insane from the fear, the attacks, or in one case, the memory of the world he had left behind. Main characters are conscientious and risk their lives to save others."

Whaaaat? That is so far from Jordan I can't even begin to tell you. There is no way I would suggest that he read such a book. I don't even think he would want to be present where such a book was being discussed. But none of the other moms had lifted an eyebrow. Are there actually fourth graders for whom this is a good book? Is our family so far from the norm? This is one of these things that is just really hard to know; we have had casual contact with these families for years, but don't know any of them very well. Instead of shouting "Who are you people?!" which would have been rather unhelpful, I wrote the other parents this letter:

Hello friends, 

I really enjoyed hanging out with you all yesterday, and would look forward to discussing books with you and the boys. Unfortunately, it turns out that at least two of the three are much too mature for Jordan. After reading the review of Maze Runner on Common Sense Media, which is usually pretty right-on for our family, I feel sure that that book would shock and frighten him; I wouldn't ask him to read it. I don't think he'd want to be present for a discussion of it whether he had read it or not.  

Ender's Game is a fantastic book but I think much better for a middle-school kid than a fourth grader; I would rather suggest that to Jordan when he is older and can appreciate it more. The Candymakers story sounds more matched to Jordan's maturity level, but at 480 pages, it's a lot more than he would read. 

Maybe Jordan and I can show up after the book discussion is over, just to socialize. If there is another chance to choose books, here are some that look promising to me: 

Infinity Ring: A Mutiny in Time, The Big Field, Best Shot in the West: The Adventures of Nat Love, This Means War

Thanks!
Rachel

I am hugely relieved to report that various parents replied with shock once they found out something about the book. Everyone who spoke up does not want (and some would not allow) their fourth grader to read it. The one whose kid brought the book said her kid "can't watch the Wizard of Oz without covering his face with a pillow" and would never knowingly choose such a book. So it seems like like no one really knew what they were choosing.

Instead, we will be reading The Candymakers, which is a goofy mystery that takes place in a candy factory, aimed at 8-12 year olds. Phew. And we have agreed that next time, the moms choose the book!

I already did that.

In the car on the way home yesterday:

R: I think your homework tonight is to correct any errors on your math test.
J: I already did that.
R: Hm. It was written in your planner.
J: Right, but I did it at school.
R: I also saw the test in your folder, and it didn't have any corrections on it yet.
J: Oh. That must have been another test.

I can't tell whether this is evasiveness or forgetfulness. The chances that there was another math test that he corrected are small. There could have been some other math assignment that he corrected, or a test in another subject, that maybe he was absentmindedly thinking I was referring to. Maybe he just didn't know what I was referring to because he wasn't listening at first; that's fairly likely. As far as I know, Jordan is not one to just baldly lie, but if he was going to fudge something, it would surely be to get out of doing homework.

A few months ago, walking home from school, we had a conversation something like this:

J: Mommy I figured out a new strategy today!
R: What's that?
J: Sometimes we are reading and Mrs. Crawford calls on me and I am still reading so I don't know what the question was. No idea at all, because I didn't hear her, because I was still reading. But if I say, "Oh, I know that!, but what is it again? I can't think of it, it's right on the tip of my mind, um, what is it again...," and I do that for long enough, then she will call on someone else like Sydney and then Sydney gives the answer. And I don't have to.
R: Oh, really. Do you think Mrs. Crawford knows what is going on?
J: No, Mommy. I am very good at this. She has no idea.

I assume that Jordan is underestimating Mrs. Crawford, who has a lot of experience with crafty nine-year-olds. I am not really worried about that. But I was a little bummed to hear that he is needing to develop a repertoire of evasive strategies to cope with the consequences of his inattention.

Aaron and Finn

Aaron's friendship with Finn dates back to preschool, when the two of them, along with Emanuel, were a bit of an infamous trio among the four-year-olds. Now they both go to Wedgwood, and although they are not in the same class, they meet each other at every recess to play. As in, they have a meeting place. They also have a regular succession of playdates and sleepovers. They never tire of each other, rarely fight, and just really cannot get enough of each other's company.

They dress up as Batman and a clone trooper.

 A clone trooper, I'll have you know, can ride a scooter and play an accordion.

 Just the other day they had a good time with dry ice.

 Legos are the go-to.

 But at a restaurant, Uno is another good option.

Finn is also in Wedgwood's after-school program (KidsTime), which is a great thing because Aaron is there five days a week and that program is not what it used to be. Pretty much the entire staff changed over this year, and the new people are just not as skilled with kids, creative with activities, or as physically active as the former staff members (who we loved). It's a bummer, because we don't really have another option; but as I say, at least Finn is there.

Lately, Aaron and Finn have been having a little trouble getting along with their counselors. There are predictable problems like not cleaning up when told to, etc., which personally I suspect speaks to the counselors' skills in getting kids to go along with necessary tasks, but okay. The larger concern is the backtalk. Finn apparently makes liberal use of "the c word," as Aaron refers to it, and for those of you about to be shocked, the c word is "crap." Whew. Finn has also been known to tell the counselors, "Sucks to be you," which I have to agree is maybe a bit much to hear from a six-year-old. Aaron's role in this bad language is not perfectly clear ... he says that he does not say such mean things very much, and I believe him, but I don't think his conscience is perfectly clear, either.

(We have had a couple of lively family discussions about just how mean and angry certain expressions are, and what they really refer to. Yes, I did tell them what is supposedly being sucked when you accuse someone of sucking. Yes, they found this shocking and repellent, as they should at their age. Yes, this discussion made them never want to use this particular expression again or even think about it. Whee!)

The counselors asked Aaron and Finn to write down some "goals" for their behavior during KidsTime, like listening to the counselors and so on. I think this is a good thing to do, but there ought to be something in it for Aaron, too, especially since I think the counselors' lack of skill is probably contributing to the difficulties. So I suggested that along with the "goals," which are things that Aaron should do for the counselors, Aaron could make "requests" for things he would like the counselors to do for him. This document is the result. Aaron wrote the goals, and then I did the writing for the second half. I think it's great.

I hope this helps him have more fun with Finn and less trouble with the people supervising them.