"Tests mean you lose."

Jordan does his homework in the morning and he's usually enthusiastic about it.  This morning, though:

Rachel: Hey, this would be a good time to practice your spelling words one last time before your test today.

Jordan:  I already had the spelling test a few days ago.

Rachel:  Right, that was last week.  You have another one this week, on these other words.  

Jordan (anxiety rising):  I don't want another test.  I already had one.

Rachel: I think you're going to have one every week, on different words every time.

Jordan: I don't want to have a test every week!  That's too much!

Rachel: You don't want to take a test?

Jordan: No!  (crying now, having to take off his glasses to wipe his eyes:) On a test you have to get everything right.  I want to just learn to read and stuff and not have to get everything right.

Rachel: You wish you didn't have to take so many tests and could just learn stuff.

Jordan:  Yes.  (still crying)  Tests mean you lose.  

Rachel: What do you mean?

Jordan: The principal reads the names of the people who got them all right, because they win.  

I think that last thing might be Jordan recalling last year's spelling bee.  I assured him that this was different, but I don't blame him if he doesn't believe me.  There are a staggering number of assessments that kids have to do starting in first grade, they are scored numerically, and six-year-olds are obsessed with winning and losing.  I, too, wish he could just "learn stuff" and not be tested on a daily basis, even as I understand the importance of accountability.  Jordan said he would not take the test today, would not do his math homework either, would not go to school, and if I took him to school anyway he would "get out."  Yowza!  Time to calm down.  I gave him some space.  

After a while he consented to get dressed if I would bring him his clothes, which I did, and he did.  He went back and picked out a different shirt.  I told him it is a lot of tests, this year, and that tests can make you worry.  And then he decided he did want to do his math homework, after all.  He was barely calm enough to do it.  I was struck by how true it is for all of us, that if we are overwhelmed, we can't think, and that it can help a lot when someone shows that they understand.  

On the way to school I suggested that in the kind of test Jordan takes, "winning" means beating your own score (there is typically a pretest).  But Jordan said, "For the Huskies it doesn't matter if you do better than last time, you have to beat the other team," and I certainly see where he's coming from.  I didn't try to make it a non-issue; competitiveness is something that adults struggle with all their lives.  Jordan said, "Mommy if I get 12 right and there are 15 questions, another way to say it is that I got 12 out of 15.  I like that way of saying it better."  I said I could see how that would help.