Hebrew names

The day that our kids visited SJCS, the first-grade teacher was introducing herself to Aaron, and asked him his Hebrew name, because at SJCS all the kids go by their Hebrew names. Aaron had no idea what she was talking about. "I think you should just call me Aaron," he said. She explained that she would be calling everyone else by a name that was not the same as their usual name; Aaron's friend Adam, for example, is called Shalom in her class. (Adam finds this hilarious because it means to say hello to him you say, "Shalom, Shalom!") Aaron insisted that she should just call him Aaron. She didn't push it.

The truth is that we did not give our kids Hebrew names when they were babies. Hebrew names are normally given at the bris, and we did not circumcise our children. We didn't do it to our boys for the same reason we wouldn't have done it to daughters; we think it is not right, and hope this tradition changes. This was a decision Dale and I made very thoughtfully. It was also a decision made outside community, and we have never had much opportunity to reconcile our decision with whatever our community might think of it. So when the teacher asked for Aaron's Hebrew name, I stood nearby feeling like there was a whole lot I was not saying.

When I got out in the hall with my friend I blurted out the whole thing, probably in one sentence, including how nervous I was. She was great; she said, "Well, we don't check for that," which made me laugh. She shared that her family had had the opposite experience; they had made a rather mindless decision to circumcise their boys (and give them Hebrew names), just because it is what one does. I relaxed. 

That night, Dale and I decided this was a good topic for a dinner table conversation. We told the boys that we had not given them Hebrew names because that is usually done at the time of circumcision and we had not circumcised them. (I am going to use "us" for Dale/me and "them" for Jordan/Aaron because mostly I don't remember who said what.)

Us: Do you know what circumcision is?

Them: No. 

Us: It's when they stretch out the piece of skin over the end of your penis and cut it off.

Them: Aaaaghh! Whaaat!

Us: Seriously. I am sorry to tell you this but it is true. Most Jewish families do this to their boys.

[Both of them had their hands clapped over their groins and were looking at us wide-eyed. I think they were not sure whether to laugh or run.]

Dale: You could have this done now if you choose to.

Them: NooOOOOooo! I do not want that!

Rachel: That's why we didn't do it. We thought you would not want that.

Aaron: [jumps out of his chair and throws his arms around me] Mommy, you made the right decision! Thank you so much!

Now isn't that the moment a mother waits for? The whole thing was very entertaining. We went on.

Rachel: Now as far as a Hebrew name goes, you have some choices. You could pick your own Hebrew name. Or Daddy and I could pick names for you; that is traditional. We could just agree on your names in our family. Or, we could ask Rabbi Jason if he would be willing to give you your Hebrew name in a special ceremony, with a special blessing, without cutting off the end of your penis. 

Them: Aaaaghh! Mommy stop saying that!

Rachel: Okay. We will just say "circumcision" instead. Is that okay?

Them: Yes.

Rachel: Okay. So if we want to we can ask Rabbi Jason. I don't know if his answer would be yes or no. For some people the circumcision and the Hebrew name go together. For others, maybe not.

This seemed like enough for the kids to take in at the dinner table. Later, though, I read up on Hebrew names, and was impressed by Chabad's assertion that a parent's choice of a Hebrew name for their child constitutes a "minor prophecy." Dale and I remembered that we had actually chosen a Hebrew name for Jordan (but not told anyone else). We had not done this for Aaron, but we quickly realized what Aaron's Hebrew name should be. The next night, we told the kids their Hebrew names, and they were pleased. So really I think we're all set. I don't know if we (or they) will want a ceremony at some point, but for now, the matter feels pleasantly resolved.