Family reading

We have family reading time in the evenings, whenever we are all home and have half an hour to spare before kid bedtime. I sit in the living room and read aloud; Dale and the kids eat ice cream at the dining room table, then Dale curls up on the couch, and the kids draw or play with legos while they listen. Sometimes this is every night, sometimes we go weeks without reading; it depends on our other activities, the kids' homework, and so on. It's great when we can do it regularly, because we all love it.

We started (some time ago... could it be a couple years by now?) with Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. The children were completely captivated. I remember that as I read, they would come a little closer and a little closer, so that eventually they were each draped over one side of the armchair I was in, gazing at the Tenniel illustrations while I read. The story literally drew them in. Jordan loved the wordplay, which was a little over Aaron's head at the time (part of why I think it might have been a couple years ago). They both loved the absurdity. I adored these stories as a kid, especially Through the Looking Glass (more logical); I read that one over and over. Dad still has "my" old copy at his house, and a number of corners are torn from the pages... As a kid I really liked chewing on paper, and I especially liked the pages of this book, which were thick and soft and booky-tasting. It was a big hardback with large margins, so I couldn't see any harm in it at the time. Jordan and Aaron thought this was pretty funny. They did not inherit my paper-eating urge.

I am not perfectly sure what we read next but I think it was the Wizard of Oz. I don't think I had ever read the original before, and we all enjoyed it a lot. Another one with wonderful illustrations. They had not yet seen the movie - it was too scary for Aaron, but Jordan watched it with me on a sick day, and it was a great time. Next we tried a contemporary book that turned out to be forgettable and I'm pretty sure we never finished it. I determined to stick to truly unmissable titles, preferably classics. So we read The Hobbit, and of course, it was fantastic. It is such a fun series of vignettes, never a dull moment, and funny, in a way that was enticing and surprising for the kids. This was our first book with almost no pictures at all, and quite a bit longer than the other books we had read, but the boys loved every second of it. They drew fanatically while I read, scenes of Gandalf and trolls and mountains and dragons. They were so hooked.  I especially enjoyed reading a book that was way beyond either of their reading level, where we had to stop and discuss vocabulary pretty regularly, but that we could all thoroughly enjoy nonetheless. And I had fun with the voices. Apparently I'm good at it; my family showers me with compliments.

Next we read three E. B. White books in a row - Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, and The Trumpet of the Swan. I think we might have gotten interrupted from reading Stuart Little and not gotten back to it, but oh, wow, the other two were both so good, we could not get enough of them. Even better than I remembered. The characters are so rich, with thoughtful interior lives, and the action is wonderfully imaginative but also completely relatable. The trumpeter swan is named Louis! which went straight over my head the first time around. Of course we all cried our eyes out over Charlotte's Web, and then I had to go rent the 1973 animated movie, and we laughed and cried and sang all the songs. Debbie Reynolds! Aaron figured out how to play the chorus to "Deep in the Dark" on the piano, and we heard it over and over and over for many weeks. I love it still. I hear that E. B. White hated that movie. And did you know that's the same White as Strunk & White? Wow.

After that streak of contemporary fun I decided to pull out the big guns again and we read The Fellowship of the Ring. Such a completely different book from The Hobbit: so much more serious and sustained, and the fears are so real, and the plot so much more epic. And you know what? We never tired of it. The boys hung on every word. The magic, the monsters, the mysteries, the danger, the loyalty, the resourcefulness; the myriad characters, the setbacks, the mounting dread, even those long landscape descriptions; they loved it all. When that was done there was no question of stopping, so on we went to The Two Towers and The Return of the King, meaning yes, we did, we read the whole trilogy. Every bleedin' word. It took months and months. The children drew the scenes, acted out the dramas, discussed the plot points, guessed the endings, and we read and read and read. Again with the voices. It was a whole family era, and a wonderful one.

Next was Harry Potter I, II, and III, and that was a total blast. Dale and I had read all the Harry Potters (aloud!) as they came out but not since, and neither of the kids had read them, so we could all just enjoy the heck out of their fantasticness. Maybe in a year I'll read another one. I feel strongly that a great book is great at the right time, and that if you a great book read at the wrong time, there's a risk of not appreciating it. For example, a librarian I admire asserted that Moby Dick is a great book that is not meant for teenagers, and that assigning it in high school is a terrible idea because they hate it and never read it again. For another example, thank goodness I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance in college, while I was also reading Plato, because I could really appreciate it then, and if I tried to read it now I bet I wouldn't like it anymore. I know there are first and second graders reading the whole Harry Potter series, and that's up to them, but I think IV and forward are much more adult themes (plus they are getting too scary for Aaron), and that you never get the chance at a first time again. So they are on the shelf. If either of the boys wanted to read them, they could pick them up on their own, but they aren't doing that, and I'm kind of glad.

Next we read The Book of Three, which Dale and I both loved as kids. And I am sorry to say that it did not hold up at all. It felt like a cheap Tolkien knockoff; the same magicky-questy-companions outline but with thin characters, limping dialogue, and a story I couldn't entirely follow. I found that while I was reading it, I kept accidentally reading it with the wrong tone, because things happened that felt out of character or out of the blue. The boys seemed to enjoy it just fine, but Dale and I were bored.

I thought part of the problem might be that we were too much in the fantasy genre, in which maybe everything was going to seem like a Tolkien knockoff. So for our next book I changed genres: another childhood favorite of mine, but this one a little more toward science fiction with a math/physics angle: A Wrinkle in Time. This is the one we are reading right now, and unfortunately, we are disappointed again. It feels like one of these books that is all about being a moralizing analogy to something, instead of having a life of its own. It's very conceptual, and people keep having to explain things to each other. I am kind of slogging through it. I can't remember what I liked about it so much as a kid. The angry girl protagonist? Maybe she was unique in children's literature at the time? Well, maybe things have gotten better; she's no Katniss.

So what shall we read next? I am avoiding the Narnia series: even though I loved those as a kid, I have heard reviewers say they don't hold up, and talk abut your heavy-handed analogy. I wonder about Peter Pan, but some friends have found that the racial and gender sterotypes in that one are so awful they can hardly read it. I have Peter and the Starcatchers on deck, a modern prequel to Peter Pan that a lot of people love, and I'm looking forward to that. Someday I'm expecting to read A Wizard of Earthsea, but it's too much in the Tolkien genre for right now. I've also had recommendations for Farmer Boy (Louisa May Alcott). My ideal books are classics (though I'm open to modern classics), above the kids' reading level, that we can all genuinely look forward to hearing together night after night. Any suggestions?

Cold eggs

A friend of mine with a new baby was telling me how her husband, who is a fully capable father, lets the baby cry longer than she does. He will take his time finishing what he is doing before he responds to the baby, whereas she will leap to soothe. I think this is a classic split for parents, usually (if I may be so bold) along these gender lines. To this day, if one of the kids asks me to make breakfast, I will do that first, whether I've had my own breakfast or not. In fact, if I have made my own breakfast and set it on the table to eat, and then Aaron asks me to make an omelet, I will do that first. Only after I have provided for him will I sit down to my cold eggs. I mean, hello.

I think my motivations are not entirely based on satisfying the child; I also want to check this pending omelet off my list, the better to relax over my own breakfast. But still.

Riddle

Jordan, Aaron, and Amara in the back of the car on the way from school to their respective arts activities.

Jordan: I have a riddle. It is better than God; rich people need it; poor people have it; and if you eat it you die.
Aaron: I do not know.
Rachel: I think I know.
Jordan: Just guess. Not you, Mommy.
Aaron: Marijuana?
Amara: TNT?
Jordan: No. Mommy what do you think?
Rachel: Nothing.
Jordan: Right. See? Nothing is better than God, rich people need nothing, poor people have nothing, and if you eat nothing you die.
Aaron: [giggling] Wow. That is pretty good.

Upright piano

The piano player in one of Dale's bands inherited a baby grand piano and needed a home for his upright. We volunteered! It is a beautiful thing. It is larger than we pictured... it makes our electronic piano look (and sound) like a toy. Inserting it into our living room has caused a cascade of change; move the furniture, accept that some of it simply doesn't fit, rearrange other rooms to accommodate, realize that new lamps are needed here and new shelves there, that kind of thing. But we have now officially welcomed it into our home and are starting to enjoy it.

Moving it in was surprisingly straightforward. The movers had long ramps and a wheeled cart and that was pretty much that. The thing weighs 650 pounds.

Academic attention

Jordan is getting a kind of academic attention that we have never experienced before. His teachers really see what he is doing, and interpret what they see with insight and compassion. They are encouraging, while holding him to high standards. They are alert to his specific strengths and needs, and are able to design educational situations that will benefit him as much as possible. It is a real pleasure. Here is an update we got today about his reading, from the learning specialist who will be working with him in an upcoming book group: 

Jordan seemed to do well with Island of the Blue Dolphins; however [his regular teacher] knows much more than I do about that his day-to-day interaction with that book. The solid skills Jordan has when reading for pleasure are helpful when reading assignments for class. Whenever I checked in with him, he was engaged and was able to talk thoughtfully about the part he was reading. 

From conversations with [his teacher], I know that she wants to make sure he has a deep level of comprehension with regard to assigned text, and since she has the majority of the class to think about, having me focus on one small group seemed like a good way to ensure the understanding that we’re aiming for. (The book group meetings will be run mostly by the students, I’ll just be an observer or one of the members.) Making sure Jordan is able to demonstrate his level of comprehension orally (through discussion and maybe dictation, if appropriate), as well as in writing, continues to be an important aspect of assessing his understanding of any text. His writing seems to be going more smoothly for him and he is very capable; however I want to make sure we don’t forget that getting his ideas down in writing may still be impacted by his dysgraphia. So when assessing his reading comprehension, there needs to be an oral aspect of how we check in with him, as well as the written component. 

They just started the book this week, and it has some challenging themes and vocabulary specific to the time period. I’m sure Jordan will do well with the book.

Wow. For comparison, here is the kind of feedback we were getting about his reading last year:

Ouch. It still stings to read those. This was after we had the extensive learning assessments and conversations with the school to establish learning accommodations appropriate to his needs. I wish it could have been better for us in public school; I wish whatever wasn't right could be rectified (whether that is the preparation of the teacher, the teaching load, the class size, the curricular expectations, or whatever else contributed to this unfortunate situation). But it wasn't right, and I am so thankful to be where we are now.

Middle schools

As I have said in this space before, I worry about middle school. In particular I am not hopeful that our neighborhood public middle school will serve our older child well. So we are looking around. There are two other public schools we have our eye on, one a science-and-nature themed K-8, and one a new middle school just north of us. Both of these places seem to have visionary principles and happy teachers, and they both a lot smaller than our neighborhood middle school. However, they will still have large class sizes, and still be part of a system that doesn't have much time to spare for a bright, socially adept, non-disruptive kid who has not fallen far below his grade level. We are seeing wonderful benefits of being at a school whose teacher:student ratio is 1:10 instead of 1:25, and where teachers provide Jordan with the kind of cuing and feedback that enables him to get things done. Thus, we plan to apply for private middle school. We have to decide where to apply now-ish; we are well into tour season already, and applications are due in January.

There are a lot of private middle schools in Seattle. Only two are grades 6-8 (one near us and one in West Seattle). Some are K-8, and some are 6-12 or even mysteriously 5-12. Geography is important to us so we made a list of all the reasonably nearby ones, plus one that is very close to my work. This gave us a list of six independent schools to visit. We have toured three so far. The first was way too Catholic for our family (I don't know how I missed that). The second we loved; it seems like a wonderful education, great student body, and a great location; but spots at this school are so coveted that the chances of our getting in are extremely small, and the grapevine says they push students very hard academically, which is not something we want. The third seemed like a good, solid, ordinary school, like what public school should be but isn't; we will apply there too, even though the sports emphasis is not our style, and we hear that they don't offer much tuition assistance. Three more to go.

Even after we decide where to apply, there is the question of getting in. A K-8 or 5-12 school doesn't admit very many sixth graders, and even the places with major 6th grade entry points are small, admitting a total of 35-75 kids. The application itself is extensive, requiring essays by parents and students, multiple teacher recommendations, and scores on a standardized test called the Independent School Entrance Examination. And then on top of that, we would certainly be needing significant tuition assistance to go to any of these places. So who knows. But for now, we are plugging through this part of the process and trying to make the best decision we can with the information we have.

Challoween

We have gotten in the habit of celebrating both Halloween itself and Shabbatoween, the nearest Shabbat to Halloween; the former we do in our neighborhood and the latter is hosted by Jessica and Jules. This year, however, Halloween was a Friday night, and since our neighborhood seems to be the best for trick or treating, we hosted. There were more people than could sit down for dinner, and I was rattled by having had a lockdown at work that day (it turned out that there was no danger, but I was crouched under my desk for thirty minutes listening to the helicopters outside). Nonetheless we had spaghetti with eyeballs (meatballs with mozzarella-and-olive eyes), and apple vampire fangs, and challah stuffed with candy corn:

We managed to stuff all the kids into a frame for a photo before we headed out trick or treating. A vampire, a bat, a mummy, a Sith lord (that's Jordan), an Ewok (Aaron), an 80s chick, Jace, a demon lawyer (in the hockey mask - he served us all bloody papers), a gnome, and Kermit.

Jordan's costume put his camp-made lightsaber to great use; his robe was large enough to properly swirl out behind him, and picked up a hilarious amount of mud, too. Real Sith lords probably don't have this problem because the Empire's facilities are so clean. Aaron's Ewok costume took some doing... we had ordered a bear hat online, but it didn't come in time, so we repurposed a cat-ears headband by covering the ears with brown sock toes. Add a brown t-shirt for the snood, and that fantastic staff constructed by Dale from stuff in the yard, and voila! Ewok chieftain. His raccoon, Silvercoat, was an Ewok too, with a snood made of a brown sock. 

The grownups were in the spirit as well. I was mama Ewok, in the hat originally intended for Aaron.

Tashlich

Rosh Hashanah was over a month ago, but oh well, better late than never. Tashlich was at Matthews Beach during a miraculously sunny part of the day. The Seattle Times was there as usual and got some great pictures.

The children love this ritual. I try to help them be thoughtful about it instead of merely feeding the ducks; so I invite them to share what regrets or sins they are tossing away, if they are willing. (If they feel this is too personal, they do not have to share.)

Aaron: I threw away one time that I was not nice to Silvercoat (his plush raccoon). I called him a little coo.
Me: Oh, really. I am sure he would forgive you if you asked him.
Aaron: Yes I think so. In fact he did already. But I still wanted to throw it away.
Me: Got it.
Aaron: And I threw away one time that I .... [starts to cry] Mommy I don't like to even think about it -- [crying for sure now]
Me: Oh honey, what is it?
Aaron: [sobbing] One time I got mad at Jordan and I said I wished he wasn't even there, 
Me: Oh, sweetheart. You feel so sorry about that.
Aaron: [trying to pull himself together] I'm going to try and go have a little fun with him now to cheer myself up.
Me: Okay.

He ran off to play on the beach with his brother. I feel sure all is forgiven.