Dale drove a minivan full of fifth graders on a school outing, and rather than the car being full of Jordan's regular friends, it was other boys. These fellows have quite a different style than Jordan and his friends. They sat in the back telling dumb blonde jokes and dead baby jokes. Remember dead baby jokes?
Q. How do you get a dead baby to float?
A. Take your foot off its head.
Q. What’s worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree?
A. A dead baby nailed to a hundred trees.
Niiiice. They also recapped horror movies they have seen, including Silence of the Lambs. Dale was stunned. Jordan is nowhere near this level of crudeness. He and his friends are more in the fart and pee zone. When they get together they play Minecraft if we let them, Magic otherwise, and spin endless imaginative yarns involving enchanted creatures and magical powers and confrontations between various souped-up characters. They do not watch a movie like Maze Runner, or read the book. And I would not have it any other way. There is no need for additional cynicism or violence in their imaginative lives, especially since they don’t want it.
But the other boys’ style is more what adult friends of mine remember from fifth grade. The dumb blonde jokes, the horror movies, the works. Girls, too. I don’t remember fifth grade that way, but I don’t really remember much. And I guess whatever happens this year, more exposure is around the corner in middle school. I am not ready.
Jordan had been referring to these guys as the "popular guys." They are the cool kids. I am trying to poke around with Jordan’s language, because “popular” ought to mean well-liked, and I don’t think that’s what he means. Jordan first said a better word would be “well-known,” but then agreed that everyone knows everyone; he settled on “in charge.” In other words, they wield social power, independent of whether people like them. I think this is an astute perception. I wonder why things are this way.
What do you do when kids in your car tell awful sexist jokes? (Or racist, or whatever.) Dale said nothing, wanting to observe, and not wanting to make things even more awkward for Jordan. I get that, but I think that if it had been me, I might have been too angry to drive safely. I think I would have declared, "You will not tell rude jokes in my car," and would have steeled myself for their backtalk and eyerolling. I am sure I will be given the opportunity to respond someday… this was the first time, but it surely will not be the last.
1 comment:
In charge boys/girls/kids. That is very astute. I think I will introduce that phrase in future conversations with my kids. I am with you on the behavior expectations, "In my house/car we don't say these words or treat people this way." The situation hasn't arisen very often (yet). But I am not someone who shies away from this. I am not perhaps as inhibited as I should be. ;) I feel it perfectly in my realm to have certain expectations and not listen to crude vulgar things. Yikes. I still remember the extreme discomfort I felt being in classroom settings in high school and having junk like that going on. I guess it only happens at younger ages nowadays.
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