Family meetings

We are reinstating weekly Family Meetings and really enjoying it. We have done this before, but not since 2011, which is ... a while. Aaron is helping us to model the meetings after his weekly Class Meetings at school, where they problem-solve about things that are troubling them, such as unfairness during games of four-square. At Aaron's prompting we have established an Agenda Book, which sits in the living room; whenever you think of something you want to discuss at the Family Meeting you jot it down in the book, instead of having to remember it on Sunday night or whatever. This is a great improvement. The meetings begin with compliments; then we address the concerns written in the book; then we end with a joke. Aaron likes to be the leader. He reads each concern aloud, begins the discussion with "Jordan [or whoever], is this still a concern?" and takes notes about our proposed solutions.

I am surprised by the concerns and suggestions that the kids come up with, which I think means the system is working; it's helping us have conversations we weren't already having. For example, one week I asked Jordan if there was anything more we could do to support him in choir, since it's a hardworking season. He said he wanted my help practicing 30-60 minutes a day; that I should choose a time when he's feeling happy with me, "like right after a delicious lunch," rather than a time when he might resent my intrusion, "like when I'm playing a game with Aaron"; and could I please get some gum to use as a motivator. Gum?! Who knew? I cheerfully got six kinds of gum and bribed both him and Aaron with it regularly, to everyone's apparent delight, and with excellent results for their music practice. But then at the next family meeting, Aaron shared the concern that I was overusing the gum - for example, giving it to both of them when only one of them was earning the reward. He asked me to dial back so that the gum doesn't lose its motivating power. How about that.

In a later week, Dale brought up the fact that our shared spaces get messy, and I suggested a regular cleanup time. Jordan asked, "How could we make a cleanup routine fun? And could we do it without bribes?" My first thought was - it's not supposed to be fun, you're just supposed to do it. But I kept quiet, and what do you know, we collaboratively came up with the great idea of a Cleanup Song. When a parent judges that there's some cleaning up that needs to happen, we just turn on the Cleanup Song, and for three minutes the kids clean up like crazy. We are all astonished by how much you can get done in three minutes! But if necessary we can just repeat the song. And no one needs to lecture or nag or even say one word. It's genius. The Cleanup Song is currently "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" (Jordan's choice); we plan to change it every couple of weeks.

We end with ridiculous kid-friendly jokes, such as:

Q. What does a tree wear to a pool party?

A. Swimming trunks.

Q. How do trees get on the internet?

A. They log in.