Bar mitzvah: Thank yous

[Shared by Rachel at the party.]

Our experience this weekend is an incredible demonstration to me of how life’s big events happen in community. There are so many people we want to thank.

For all of you who were at the service yesterday: Your kindness and support for Jordan were palpable. We are grateful to you all for putting your heart into an extra song or two so that he had time to recover. Gabe, thank you for your calm guidance. And Ian, you were gracious and flexible and funny; Jordan could not have asked for a better partner yesterday. Thank you.

Thank you to our wonderful extended families for coming together today. Some of you all were meeting for the first time this weekend and I think everybody just loves everybody, am I right?? Thank you to my brother Michael for jumping in with both feet, to my aunt Linda and uncle Fred for coming the farthest (they’re from Maine), and to my aunts Jes and Deena and my godfather Alan for standing in for my parents on the bimah. It means a lot to me. Thank you to Dale’s sister Kari for making hundreds of cookies for the lunch yesterday, to Danny and Alan for the honor of the Aliyah, and again to Danny for lifting the Torah.

A special thank-you-for-coming to Selena Mitchell, who was my best friend when I was thirteen (she left last night). And we are grateful that our other oldest friends Rebekah and Bob are here with their family, especially since it’s Rebekah’s birthday today.

Thank you to Davey Friedman, Jordan’s tutor, an alum of both SJCS and the Northwest Boychoir, and a perfect match for Jordan. Rock-solid preparation sustained Jordan through yesterday and that’s what you gave him.

Thank you to Jordan’s teachers – at SJCS, at Billings, and at Beth Am – for guiding and inspiring him. Some of you have helped him write, or sing, or analyze, or sympathize; some of you have taught him our historical context, both secular and Jewish, and encouraged him to see himself as an emerging adult who can and must act in the world. Thank you.

Thank you Jess and Jules, for your friendship, and also for being the most fun, organized, gently persistent partners a bar mitzvah family could ask for. Several years ago, you asked us how the bar mitzvah partner system worked at Beth Am, and when we said you have the option to choose your partner you said “That’s great! We choose you!” We are so glad you did.

Thanks to everyone who is helping make this party great today – especially Wendy for leading the dancing, the band for raising all our spirits, and Sabina who is taking photos.

And thank you to all of you who are Jordan’s local community in everyday life. You have carpooled him, chaperoned his field trips, and brought him on vacation with you; you have opened your home to him, fed him, and helped him to have a life full of beloved friends. You all are an incredible community that Dale and I personally cherish and depend on. Thanks to you Jordan knows that we are not in this life alone; we work together, we help each other when we need it, and best of all we celebrate together. THANK YOU!

Bar mitzvah: Toast

[Shared by Dale at the party.]

Jordan –

As you can see, I have not memorized this. We asked you to memorize blessing after blessing after blessing, to learn pages of Hebrew--with the trope, to stand in front of a room of family and friends and congregants and interpret a perplexing and troubling Torah passage. You did all this. I did not memorize a page of English. Which goes to show you. Nothing—nothing—in life is fair, my son. Truth. But you can earn admiration and respect. You certainly did these last couple days. Nice work J. I’m so proud of you.

You may be thinking that now that you’re taller than your mother, it’s time for your parents to learn a few things from you. Fair enough. But I will confess our well-kept secret. Your parents have always learned things from you. Maybe it’s part of why parents have kids—we could use some help figuring things out.

So, what have you shown us?

You have shown us what stalwart determination looks like. You can chip away at a Herculean task with such resolve. After this past week of fever and coughing, of turning white on the bimah, you still did it! And so beautifully. Unbelievable. You’d be the one to march into the Reed Sea, unless you were asked to put on sunscreen first.

You have shown us what caring for your family and friends looks like. Give Jordan five minutes of free time and he will seek someone out—often his brother. You care ten times more about who you are with than where you are.

You have shown us how much laughing can set the world right. If you need a lift, watch a Marx Brothers movie with Jordan. At the Women’s March this year, we admired a poster that read: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” You’re a shield from despair. Your laughter keeps us hopeful and joyful.

And you have shown us in your music what amazing things a community can do. Your choir works hard, critiques each other, and practices so much. You are so committed to your songs and to each other, and you create something really amazing that is bigger than all of its parts.

Yesterday, preparing for services, I was stuffing kleenexes in one pocket of my jacket and the text of our parental blessing in the other. And it reminded me of an old bit of Jewish lore. Rumor has it, Rabbi Simcha Bunem—a Hasidic rabbi who lived in Poland in the mid-eighteenth century—carried a piece of paper in each of his two pockets. One said, “For my sake, the world was created.” And the other said, “I am but dust and ashes.”

What ordinary stuff we are made of. Billions year old dirt. And in this sea of time, this time—now—is your time. It has been created for you by people you know and people you don’t know. By the things that are happening now and the things that happened eons ago. The party was certainly created for you. Your parents and Ian's parents paid for it, but it's for you.

Here’s to Jordan’s now and future. Here it is. Share yourself. Make sure you don’t hide yourself too much behind your bangs. Because you really are a joy to be with Jordan. We all have so much love and admiration for you, and it’s such a pleasure to have you as our son.

Bar mitzvah: Parental blessing

[As part of the ceremony at temple, parents are invited to give a short blessing to their child. Here is ours.]

Rachel 

Jordan, you have always been someone who makes other people happy. Since you were very young, you have been lighting up a room with your enthusiasm, cheering people up when they’re sad, and encouraging people when things are hard. You see things in their best light. When life serves you lemons, you make tasty lemonade – and share it with your brother.

Dale 

Now you are getting older, and as you may have noticed, some things are starting to get harder. So here is some advice from your parents.

• Treat people like people. When you talk about someone, remember the real person you are speaking about. 
• Be empathetic. You have a natural talent for tuning in to other people’s feelings; use it to sense what’s going on for them and respond with compassion. 
• At the same time, follow your own moral compass. Be careful what you let others pull you into. You know what’s right; stick up for it. 

Rachel 

Also, get enough sleep. :)

In the coming years, we want you to have deep friendships; to share yourself with your community; to keep up your appreciation and gratitude for the wonderful world around you; and to give back some of what is given to you, to make the world more just.

Dale 

For your thirteenth birthday, your Granty Jes and Aunt Deena sent you a card that said, “You are a rare and powerful fun magnet.” We agree, and we want you to know that being a good person is fun; standing up for what you believe in is fun; and working hard for a big result is fun.

Rachel 

Jordan, we are so proud of you, and we love you very much.