Yeish Kochavim

Singing with the Seattle Jewish Chorale at an assisted living facility tonight, I saw an elderly woman who I suddenly felt could have been my mother. I wish my mother was in a retirement community, instead of having died before my children were born. My beautiful choir friends said that my mom must have been looking out at me through that lady's eyes. 

We were singing Yeish Kochavim (There are Stars): poem by Hannah Szenes, music by Jeff Klepper; you can hear it here by Elana Jagoda. 

"There are stars up above,
so far away we only see their light
long, long after the star itself is gone.

And so it is with people that we loved.
Their memories keep shining ever brightly
though their time with us is done."

Thankfully, in my choir, tears are lovingly accepted...even in performance.

Learning Glass

One of the things that the physics faculty are doing at my new job that I think is cool, is creating short homegrown physics instructional videos, in which all different faculty record themselves explaining some little piece of a concept. This is done with a technology called Learning Glass, in which the presenter lectures in front of a big glass window as if it was a whiteboard, and it gets flipped around in post-production so it doesn’t look inverted. (But it is inverted - see if you can tell.) The result is that students get to see us explaining things in our own styles, and they get to see all of us, instead of only their lecturer. I think it’s great.

Preparing to do my part was terrifying to me. I got to pick my topics at least, so I picked ones I felt good about (e.g., had developed instructional materials for in one of my past lives). But I don’t normally deliver lectures about physics topics at a board, even little short five-minute ones. It took me forever to get up the nerve to do it, and forever to prepare for it, and still I was nervous as heck.

That said, the results are fine! Not perfect by any means… for example, in one of them I was so nervous that my mind was a total blank and basically all I could do was read my notes, so you see me looking down a lot. But that’s okay. We don’t have to be perfect.

Focal point for mirrors and lenses

Image in a flat mirror

Pressure vs. depth

The broom is upstairs.

Jordan and Aaron and I were all cooking together in the kitchen, and Aaron spilled the salt.

Aaron: Argh!
Me: Whoops! The broom is upstairs.
Aaron: All the way upstairs?
Me: A wet washcloth is another option.
Jordan, smiling: I notice that you only said the useful part.
Me: What?
Jordan: You didn't say, "Clean that up." You only said the part that is actually helpful, like where the broom is. I appreciate that.

Yahoo! He noticed!!

Backstory: Long before I had kids who could talk, I read "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." This is the best parenting book I've ever read (and I've read a lot), as well as a darned good book for just human interaction broadly construed. One of their suggestions is: Instead of giving orders, offer helpful information. This respects people's intelligence and autonomy. When there is a spill, duh, we all know it needs be cleaned up. To start giving orders ("Clean that up!") introduces a pointless power dynamic, creating resentment and resistance. Instead, just offer information that the person might not have, or might be forgetting in the mini-chaos of the moment: "The broom is upstairs." For sure, this also sends implicit messages along the lines of "You know that I know that you know that it's your responsibility to clean that up," and that is fine. It's true. It is my goal to say things that are true.

How great is it when your teenager approvingly notices a parenting strategy you have been cultivating since he was born? I am so happy!

Welcome Samson

Three weeks ago, the four of us were driving somewhere and Jordan said, “I would like to say that I wish we could get a cat.” I was astonished! As far as I was concerned, Jordan was the last holdout. Aaron has wanted another pet ever since Phil died. Dale and I had recently considered getting a cat (mainly because a friend got a very charming cat), and just barely decided not to. But once Jordan said he wanted one, we basically said, “Okay! Let’s do it today!” The kids were totally astonished. It was fun to say such a surprising yes to them.

That very evening we went to the Seattle Humane Society and looked at their cats. We highly recommend their wonderful facility in Bellevue: the cats were very well cared for, and the people gave us very high-quality information about each animal’s personality and history. I was determined to get a healthy, youngish cat: Dale and I have cared well for cats that were elderly or sick, but I didn’t want to do that this time. So although we were very tempted by a sweet nine-month old kitten named Salem who melted into Aaron’s lap immediately, we had to say no when we learned he had a heart murmur so bad they could feel it through his skin. Fare well, ten-thousand dollar kitten. And we went home that day without a new friend.

But the next day, Dale and the kids went to the Seattle Area Feline Rescue while I was at a choir retreat, and there they found him: Samson, our kitty. He charmed them with his orange tabby charm, his friendly purring, and his extra toes.

A few days later we took him to the vet and found, to our intense relief, that he is as healthy as can be! Negative for the common feline diseases, and everything about him is in good shape -- \ eyes, lungs, heart, teeth, even his ears are clean. Just a little skinny! The vet estimates that he is probably one and a half years old. He has long since come out from under the dresser, and now he owns the place. He is a lot of fun and we love him to pieces.

Outstanding Referee

I was selected as an Outstanding Referee of the American Physical Society! According to the APS: “This lifetime award, presented annually to selected current referees, recognizes the efforts of these individuals to maintain the high standards of the journals and help authors improve the quality and readability of their articles.” I got a fancy certificate and a pin.

This is a wonderful honor. I believe reviewing is one of the most important ways we interact with each other professionally and I’m glad to be making a good contribution. You can read an informal article I wrote about reviewing here; it also includes pictures of tasty things I have baked.

Cakes

I have fun with cake. One cake that I made last month was for the dessert dash at a garden-themed fundraiser gala: it was a coconut cake, decorated with yellow buttercream, white fondant daisies, and green coconut grass.

While I think this was a great contribution, I think that people at a dessert dash have their hearts set on chocolate. I observed people grabbing very straightforward (I think boring) chocolate items over what I thought were much more fun, original non-chocolate items.

Another cake I made recently was to celebrate the retirement of Warren Buck, a wonderful physics gentleman who helped found UW Bothell. My cake was for the “family party” (just the physicists) and he requested chocolate. He used to be a particle theorist among other things, so I made a Standard Model cake: the design is an image that is basically the periodic table of quarks, with the “W” quark modified to be the university W. It was delicious and well received.

Suited up

Just look at these guys, ready to perform in a concert. I can’t even. Jordan is six feet tall here.

T(w)een money

Our kids have had an allowance for many years, but they have never carried cash. First of all, they pretty much didn’t carry anything but school stuff, and second of all, who carries cash anymore? Not me. We kept track of their allowance in an app, which had no connection to any actual money such as a bank – it was only an accounting system. When they wanted to buy something, we’d check the app to see how much they had, and if funds were sufficient, we’d buy the thing and deduct that amount from the app. This worked well for us for a decade.

These days, though, (1) the kids go places without us where they would like to buy things; (2) they carry phones; and (3) they have these brand-new debit cards that I got them when they flew across the country. So we have begun a new era! They carry their debit cards with their phones, and they spend at will. (Believe it or not, this is Aaron's phone case.)

Jordan uses his frequently – at the school vending machine, for bubble tea at the mall, and so on. Aaron has a Starbucks habit. They have the for-real bank app on their phone, showing them how much is in their for-real bank account, so they know if they’re running low. This running-low phenomenon definitely happens to Aaron. Jordan has a substantial income from his job as an instructional assistant at the religious school, so he is in good shape.

The other way that they both spend money is with their Amazon teen accounts. These are accounts with their own login (through the amazon app on their phone) where they can shop at will, but when they hit “purchase,” the system sends me a message and I have to approve it before it’s actually bought. This is a wonderful arrangement: they buy clothes, jewelry, bluetooth speakers, you name it, and I either pay for it myself (if I so choose), or transfer money from their bank account to reimburse me for purchasing it for them. I recommend it!

Lessons

Michael and Linda were seriously thrilled to get to know our kids and loved them for many reasons. They loved their intelligence and sensitivity. They loved their political commitments; when they found out that Jordan is an educated ACLU member and Aaron makes well-informed donations to Earth Justice and the Sea Turtle Conservancy, they were ready to adopt them both. Michael also loved how they were when they were with him on the mountain: they enjoyed the heck out of themselves, they looked out for each other, and they listened to him and did what he suggested on the skis, which apparently he considers to be somewhat novel.

I’m not surprised by any of this. Regarding the listening, I think our kids have been spoken to respectfully by most of the adults in their lives, so they might have less antipathy to listening than some. They also have had many positive experiences of lessons, in the sense of learning a targeted skill from a single adult -- choir, piano, etc. They wanted to learn to ski and Michael is a terrific teacher; why wouldn’t they listen?

There was another kind of lesson while they were there, which was that Jordan invited Linda to sit at the piano with him and learn a bit of jazz. Linda had been an accomplished classical piano player in the past, but when she lost her sight it became very difficult to learn any new material; there’s apparently not a sheet music equivalent for the visually impaired, and the audio instruction that she tried was still very visually oriented. During the evenings of ski week, Jordan explained jazz theory to Linda, and gave her hand-over-hand instruction, with what she said was great patience and kindness. Linda was extremely touched, and is loving what he taught her.

Ski progress

During ski week, Michael sent me videos every day. It was awesome watching the kids learn! First day:

Second day:

Third day: a blue slope! That means they went from beginner to intermediate.

Day four: Conditions were very different on their last day, with fast, firm ice and more wind.

Aren't they amazing? They worked very hard and had a great teacher. So awesome!

Ski week

The real purpose of the kids’ visit to Uncle Michael was for the kids to learn to ski. Okay, that’s not true: the real purpose (in my book) was for them to visit Michael on their own for a nice chunk of time, so that they have an independent relationship with him. But skiing was an ideal activity! Michael adores it, he does ski rescue at Stratton Mountain (about an hour and a half from his house) so he has many privileges there, and he’s a wonderful teacher. The kids, meanwhile, had never set foot on a downhill ski (Jordan had done a bit of cross-country) and were eager to learn - it’s definitely something people do a lot of around here.

Their routine had them rolling out of bed early in the morning, stopping for breakfast at one of Michael’s many beloved country diners.

Then they skied all day. They had four big days, multiple hours in the morning and another couple in the afternoon. Michael sent me videos every day -- I put all of those in another post. One day, cousin Dave was co-instructor.

I'm pretty sure the chocolate-dipped waffles were every day.

Every day, there were power lunches.

Sometimes on the way home they were a bit tired.

They typically stopped at an excellent food co-op on the way home for provisions, and then spent the evening inhaling calories, playing with the beloved dog Journey, and sleeping the sleep of the dead.

Everyone agrees that the whole week was a smashing success. The kids learned to ski, their relationship with their uncle is on a beautiful footing, and no one broke any bones. I am so happy!

Massachusetts play day

For midwinter break the kids went to Massachusetts for a whole week with Michael. On the first day, they relaxed at his house, to give them a transition day for the jet lag. Jordan slept until two in the afternoon! Aaron, however, was up at a pretty normal hour, and delightedly helped make breakfast. He came home with clear instructions for me about how to make Uncle Michael’s extremely delicious pancakes.

There was some high-quality sledding.



Aaron also helped Michael with some important chores, including running the snowblower and visiting an elderly neighbor to help feed her birds.

When Jordan finally woke up, Michael took them on go-karts. This is an experience our kids have never had and they were, of course, totally blown away. Coolest uncle ever!

Travelers

In February (I know, I know) Jordan and Aaron flew to the East Coast all by themselves for a week with my brother. They weren’t even unaccompanied minors: on the airline we used, Jordan is old enough to fly as a “youth passenger” (meaning they have the parents’ contact information on record, but provide no special treatment or assistance), and Aaron is allowed to fly “accompanied by” an older sibling who is a youth passenger. I was delighted by this arrangement! They’re responsible enough to do this on their own, and it’s a good amount of stretch beyond anything they had done before. 

I got them debit cards: it seemed like debit cards might be helpful in an emergency, or just for buying lunch at the airport. They also needed their passports, and we impressed upon them the extreme importance of these documents. “If these get lost,” I explained, “it will be much harder for you to come home.” I prepared a transparent plastic envelope for the passports and itinerary. We discussed what they would need to do in order to change planes. We emphasized that it is 100% fine to ask for help, and that anyone in an airline uniform will be very helpful to them. They were flying Southwest, so seats together were not guaranteed: I asked, “What will you do if there’s any problem with the seating arrangement?” and Aaron instantly replied, “Look cute and helpless!” Exactly right, kid. Jordan said, “That won’t work for me,” and I explained that although that was true, he could play the “taking care of my scared little brother” card. They were entertained by both of these prospects.

On the big day, we took them to the airport, and did our best to stand back and let them do everything.

Watching an inexperienced traveler navigate an airport is fascinating. Jordan knew that the first thing they needed to do was drop off their bags (we had checked them in from home), but he didn’t entirely realize there was a different bag drop associated with each airline. We saw them to the proper kiosk to print boarding passes and bag tags. It asked for their confirmation number, and they looked at the itinerary I had printed: so many numbers! Multiple flight numbers, ticket numbers, itinerary locator numbers, and somewhere in there, yes, the confirmation number.



We hung out with them to the front of the security line, and off they went. Bye guys!

They reported later that everything had gone smoothly. The only stress point was that the stopover on the way home was short, so it was a rush to buy lunch between planes. Normal. I am super proud of them!

Leavenworth

We love our annual weekend in Leavenworth with friends! (It was last month, but better late photos than none at all.) What a great crew.

There was backyard snow play.

There was a 1000-piece puzzle with no picture on the box.

We celebrated my birthday.

We took a sleigh ride at the place next door, with charming horses.

There was snow tubing.

There was hot tubbing.

We enjoyed the sights in town.

Teenagers did their thing.

It was a wonderful weekend. We hope this tradition lasts a long time!